It doesn't take much for me to feel palpably discouraged. And I tend to blog when I'm down rather than when I'm up. Makes for a pretty uninspiring blog if you ask me! This is really not the stuff of public consumption. It's more like a therapeutic journal entry. Tonight I feel derailed by trying to limit my son's computer and video time while doing things together like decorate the Christmas tree and make tissue paper flowers to bring cheer to a dear relative who is very ill in the hospital. The discouragement set in when my brand-new strand of twinkle lights turned out to be defective. Half the strand lights up with a cheery twinkle and the other half is dark and dead. There's no use decorating a tree without working lights. No use making hot chocolate and trying to create a festive atmosphere for an aborted evening of decorating. Besides, my husband is out working so it's just Knox and his tired mom to make merry.
So we moved on to the tissue paper flowers. Happy, cheery and bright, right? Except that after diligently cutting out tissue paper squares of all colors, I discovered that I didn't have the beads or the pipe cleaners needed to assemble the paper bouquet. So instead, Knox is watching a DVD after I had already given him extra computer time while I talked to a long-distance friend. And I am pondering how quickly discouragement can set in and how little it takes to deflate me until my spirits have all the oomph of a limp, sagging balloon. Creating an atmosphere and keeping it all going (the laundry, the dishes, the meals) is hard work. I'm discouraged by the setbacks and the sink full of dirty dishes as my energy wanes and the evening's intended cheer has been dampened.
But Knox just asked for hot cocoa with marshmallows anyway. He doesn't need everything to be just so. There's no valid reason in his book why we can't go right ahead and have hot cocoa and marshmallows anyway. What better way to cheer up a dull evening? Enjoy some marshmallows anyway! Pile them high! Maybe I need that little child of mine to show me the way sometimes more than he needs me to make everything as wondrous as a storybook or a catalog page or someone else's blog ...
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